My MBA team at IESE thinks I am more German than the German on my team. So, maybe it’s time to resign the Hitler in me. A lot has been said about my temper, attitude, ability to transmit stress, obsession for perfection, need to control everything and my narcissism. Under ordinary circumstances, I would pay no heed and continue to move on with my life but coming here to do this MBA program was a conscious decision to give myself an opportunity to tweak some things about me (not change myself, mind you! Don’t start judging already!)
To be under constant radar of everyone’s judgement has been a huge cause for continued stress in the last couple of months. To add to it, the only person I assumed would spare me this judgement in life also obviously judges me, but in a less obvious way. Unfortunately, I’ve been blessed (more like cursed, in this case) with the ability to read people’s mind and I couldn’t help but notice being judged by him earlier this evening. What made this worse was that I was being judged about complaining about being judged.
I have tried numerous times to stop myself from trying to not share my thoughts (more like bicker about everything) with anyone because once your thoughts are out of your head, you give your listener the right to judge the thoughts, judge you and massacre the impact of these thoughts on your future actions. I have tried the whole stopping myself from doing something with alcohol consumption as well but I’ve been miles away from being successful.
So, I am going to try something very radical this time. I will do the exact opposite of how I normally behave. I will not try to not be angry, stressed, negative, self obsessed, etc but I will try my hand at being happy. I will consciously look out for happiness. I watched this TED talk by HBS’s negotiations prof who said, a few tweaks can mean huge changes and one must fake it till they become it.