There are so many days when I long to be at home, be among family and friends, be in Bangalore, etc and I try to close my eyes and try to imagine being where I want to be and those few moments of imagination satisfies my longing but the moment I open my eyes, my longing feels fuelled further. Sometimes, listening to Avial (fusion rock band from South India) has the same effect as shutting my eyes for a couple of minutes. When you’ve experienced this longing way too many times, you begin relishing this anguish. This might be similar to the heart ache you feel when you are falling in love and just can’t get yourself to confess to this person that you might be falling sickly in love with them.
Usually, in case of love, the window of feeling this anguish of being unable to confess your wish to have them around you, is much much shorter and completely in your control. The state of helplessness is sick and something you don’t want to keep at for too long. So, you blurt out your feelings and the confession makes you feel better one way or another (good or bad, at least it’s out of your system and your heart weighs a lot lesser). There is stability. There is peace only until you start missing that feeling of wanting to confess but being unable to. Ask anyone in stable relationships, they’ll tell you they miss the initial days prior to courting. I can assure you that. While at it, I’m sure nobody wants to be in this state of longing to be home, but what if this feels better than being home?
Update : I just realised it’s also similar to the anticipation of a weekend. You wish you could stretch that feeling forever, right?