One of my claims to fame as a matchmaker was that I’d far greater women signed up with me than men. Normally, you would think that I’d enough and more women to set up all the men I had very successfully. However, very often, contrary to popular belief, I found that men were being more picky than women. I didn’t quite understand this phenomenon until recently, I accompanied my husband to shop for a leather jacket. Given that a leather jacket is such a sacred once in a lifetime sort of purchase, he was willing to walk the length and breadth of Barcelona to find himself the perfect one. This meant that he would not settle because he strongly believes there exists a jacket in this world that could melt his heart the moment he saw it. While not wanting to settle is a good thing, knowing your limits can help optimise (for time, effort, money, etc). Now, if I compared this to the long term dating/ marriage market, being pricey is more expensive for men as it’s a two-sided like unlike in the case of picking a jacket. So, the problem of having too many men on most dating websites is not really a big problem as greater choice only spoils men further.
Being a woman, I can’t help but judge men I help setup from a woman’s perspective and it makes me sad to see men throw away gorgeous women simply because these women don’t melt the hearts of these men at the first glance. Unfortunately, most men optimise for looks or vibe or whatever that arouses them, but this is such a short lived and useless thing to optimise for. More importantly, if these men deserve such great looking women, wouldn’t they already have them by now? So, why don’t these men ever get it then? In my experience, I have seen some men who have hardly ever failed in life. They’ve got the degrees and jobs that everyone likes, they’ve got all the money they’d ever need, they’ve been the apple of their parents’ eyes and so on. They’ve never had a chance to fail in life. This gives the false sense of affirmation that they can get just about any woman they’d like. But, can they? Maybe. or maybe not. But most likely, not.
Whereas, women on the other hand, no matter how successful, always see challenges and failures right from the time they are born – be it having to think 20 million times if we’d get raped on the way home or even something as simple as wearing what we want when we want. So, self-doubt and vulnerability become our best friends. As an offshoot of this, we are less confident of having things happen our way. Several such experiences teaches us humility and hence, we settle. Yes, we settle for what we can have. So, if you are a man and a woman likes you, most likely she settled for you. She’s doing you a favour and not the other way around. Also, this is just the beginning of all compromises she’s going to make for you. If you can’t see or value that, too bad that you’ll have to spend the rest of your life looking for that sexy leather jacket which may not even exist!
About 7-8 years ago, some guy told me that a woman is only a square root of a man. I remember wondering if in that case, a woman is only imaginary if a guy is a -1. Think about it.