One of my clients who, fortunately or unfortunately, has not yet been marred by the experiences of real two-sided relationships told me that he’s improved himself quite a bit through his several one-sided relationships. This is the same sort of enthusiasm I have heard from job changers who are going through several interviews without landing a job. Failure does this to us. It teaches us..about ourselves and life in general. Things come by very easily for some people, and they almost never learn how to get things that don’t swing by their way. So, in that sense, people who have done nothing but try to get things they can’t get are better equipped to get things in life than the ones who get it with little effort.
I started reminiscing the peaks in my own personality and they’ve usually been just prior to the start of a new relationship. Relationships (one-sided or not) give us an opportunity to discover a new side to us through what we become of our association with new people. If you were lusting a nerd, you might just have a chance to (re)discover your nerd self. If you were an introvert crushing after a party animal, you might discover the social animal in you and so on. So, in one sided relationships, when you know that the person you desire is a nerd or a social animal, you either try to ape them so they like you and try to be something they like (depending on how smart you are!), in turn, discovering somethings about yourself you never did before.
For instance, the aforementioned client got hooked to reading in an attempt to impress his well read crush only to rediscover the bookworm in him. Being more well read has two benefits for this guy going forward. Firstly, he’s discovered a new hobby (or rekindled an old one!) because he genuinely enjoyed the process of reading and discussing his ideas with the girl he briefly crushed. Now, I don’t have to explain the benefits of a reading habit. Secondly, he’s pretty well equipped to impress the next well read person he meets (which seems to be his type) and he needn’t try as hard. This new found ability to converse with bookworms is just yet another feather in his cap of several other talents making him a better person.
So, in our entire lifetimes, imagine if we admired/ lusted a large variety of people and somehow strived to be better people, we not only have the chance to discover ourselves fully, we might even manage to master a few of our abilities which go hidden most of the time. It makes me wonder if someone liking us back for who we exactly are is just a little bit too overrated and instead, we should embark this journey of self discovery through one-sided relationships!