A client recently told me that she didn’t want to get married and the only reason she entered the market is due to parental pressure. So, she thought it was important to clarify that even though she understands that the society expects her to accommodate changes in her life, she wanted a marriage that wouldn’t alter her life even one bit – she wanted to be just as independent, go out with her friends just as often, work just as hard and contribute socially just as much. I must confess, I slightly judged her to be unreasonable and hence, quickly jumped to give my “auntie advice” that whether she likes it or not, marriage is life altering and she has no choice but to acknowledge it, and it also had nothing to do with the society!
A couple of weeks fast forward, I had an argument with my husband over something very trivial. My line of argument was based on how he was not allowing me to be myself and was trying to control my life. Sure, I didn’t like this trait of his, but I realised that this was something I was fully aware of going into wedlock with this boy and hence, I had no right to complain. When I decided to marry him, I was willing to trade traits I didn’t like with the ones I did like. So, this brings me to a very important point – We constantly make trade offs in life, even when it comes to choosing a partner. If this sounds too geeky, take this one – Love is not blind, its about all the faults you don’t mind.
A lot of people come into the market with a long shopping list and don’t exit the market till every one of the items is checked off. While having such a list is not such a bad thing (because choosing a partner is a fairly important decision in life), it hardly makes economic sense to believe we don’t have to make equivalent trade offs. So, the longer your list, the more trade offs you would have to make. Imagine picking up a kilogram of tomatoes from the market and refusing to pay for it. Its sort of like that.
For instance, if you married for constant companionship, it also means having to make joint decisions for everyday meals even if you never did that before in your life. So, changes are inevitable and if you are not willing to accommodate them, you probably shouldn’t get married even if your parents are on your back for it!