The curse of the keep-in-toucher

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Recently, I touched base with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in ages (2 years almost) and sometime through the conversation, she mentioned she wasn’t good at keeping in touch at all and so was glad that I reached out. And so you’d think that she’d reach out the next time we lose touch right? No, wrong. This is the exact thing she’d said two years ago when I’d reached out to her after a gap of 4 years. Now, you’d think that I’d be pretty stupid to think she’d ever reach out on her own right? No, wrong again! This was a friend who kept in constant touch back in college when we were physically around each other, so much so that I don’t ever remember initiating a single conversation.

This is not a story in isolation. It happens to my all the time. I just thought people grow up, get very busy in their own lives, hardly find time to keep in touch and so, I am doing a great thing by giving them an opportunity to reconnect with old friends except when recently, an old friend who I’d (obviously) reached out to after years, needed no updating on my life as he’d already stayed upto date about it through my Facebook feed. This is when I started reconsidering my argument about people not having the time and realised that the real problem was that I am a big “keep-in-toucher” unlike most of my friends.

When I reach out to friends and they say they’re glad I got in touch, I assume that they’re going to take the cue and reach out on their own the next time. But they don’t. Also, they don’t stop saying how glad they are that you reached out since they are terrible at keeping in touch because they’d much rather stalk you and ask you to mark yourself safe from a terrorist attack on the internet than pick up the phone and text you. It’s a vicious circle – a curse on every keep-in-toucher.

It’s strange, but not unexpected that nature of relationships change over time and place. I always found the phrase “Keep in touch” very funny, especially when really close friends wrote that in slam books because you’re so young and unmarred by life that you think nothing could ever change the fervour of your friendships. But I can tell you, even if I exchanged a 100 messages one day with a long-lost friend (that’s the only way to speak with friends strewn all over the world) and felt like nothing had changed between us, I could bet that the next day won’t be the same as a following day in the previous era when we were best friends. This certainty of loss of ferocity over time which completely replaces the certainty of the ferocity, is hard to deal with as adults.

So, if you ever get a text from me, it’s because I am a compulsive keep-in-toucher, not because I am trying to kill time on my commute  (there’s no signal on the tube, mind you).  And don’t apologise for not being good at keeping in touch because I know you better than that!

 

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