I have never been great at friendships. In fact, I have struggled and failed miserably several times at keeping friendships. So, my view on friendships might be rather morbid, so bear with me. Although, if you do relate to this, great – PM me, maybe we can be friends? or not!
I think friendships are time-bound. You can continue to be friends with someone from childhood even when you are 50, but it’s not going to be the same. There are people I went to school with and we had so much in common at that point, however, as we moved onto different colleges, our lives changed. We made new friends, we thought differently, we didn’t see old friends just as much, yada yada yada and so the nature of our friendship could just never be the same. The same happened with people I went to college with and then we chose different careers there after.
I tried to keep them in the loop on all the life changes and the evolution of my personality, but could just never get into the same level of detail that I used to be able to back in school/ college. And over time, you just move farther away from the details and I think the friendships that have been based more heavily on the details of my life have been the hardest to keep. The ones that were based on connect are far easier to keep because even if I don’t stay in touch with these people, the intensity or coherence seldom withers. But what differs over time is the frequency of these intense discussions and it’s probably for the best?
Historically, people remained in the same jobs or houses or cities through their entire adulthood and seldom acquired the ability to make new friendships. Today, people move jobs, houses and cities so often that it’s more important to make new friendships than keep old ones. The common mistake we make is to chase old friendships to recreate the intensity – We artificially keep each other plugged in the details of our new lives after have moved away from it. This exposes the divergence in our personalities and often, instead of trying to learn about the new people we have become, we find the divergence odd and unsettling.
We expect our lives to be magically back to how they used to be and we find it hard to be unstuck in time. Some of us like to deal with this head on, some of us prefer to run away, and the problem is when you have the different types in one friendship. When will we learn to live friendships in present, move on when we have to and just be okay with it? I recently read somewhere that we are an average of the people we surround ourselves with at any given point of time, so if we are constantly being stuck in time, does this mean we are trying to reach our local maxima instead of expanding our range?
However, the irony here is that our ability to expand our range as adults is quite limited, resulting in us wriggling our way back to old nests. It’s like saving an old pair of skinny jeans in the hope that you’ll lose enough weight someday to fit back in it as opposed to buying yourself a new pair because you can’t come to terms with the fact that you’re not the same size anymore.
Okay wait, this post became way too deep and I forgot where I started, so I’ll just stop instead of digging deeper. Kthnxbhai.
P.S – Note to self – I should stop reaching out to old flames to make myself feel sexy, because it might just make me more pathetic after all.